Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
