Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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