we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
