Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently the secret to your success is patron
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
