Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
