my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
