Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
