I wish life had little blips of pornography
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize