Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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