Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
