Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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