I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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