I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
