yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
