The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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