well you can't waste a boner
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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