ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
