I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
