So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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