You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
