did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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