I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
