I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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