a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
