She is in my trunk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
