omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
