So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
