I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
