and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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