I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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