i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
