The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
