I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
