I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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