She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
