I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
