I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
