You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
