Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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