too bad you live with your parents still
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
