dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
