the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
