It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
