Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
