walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
