Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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