wrigley field is MILF paradise
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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