fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
