i don't like sucking hair
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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