i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
