guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
