Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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