made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
