matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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