They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
