she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
