I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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