3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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