So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize