I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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