I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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