Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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