Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
