i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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