I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
