You're my little dorito
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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