Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
