She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
