I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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