I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
