Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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