Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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