It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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