sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize