Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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