My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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