The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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