trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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