i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you still have your period?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
